LONDON—Currently in "labour" and about to give birth to a child who will be third in line to the British throne, Kate Middleton is being attended to by "the Queen's gynecologist," Dr. Marcus Setchell, who refused to comment on whether his recent assignment working with Middleton's vagina was a relief from the presumably arduous task of dealing with the 87 year old vagina of Elizabeth II. Dr. Setchell did not answer when asked if the Queen's vagina would suffer from any lack of attention while he focuses on Middleton. He also ignored a request to describe the current condition of the Queen's vagina or state whether any "landscaping" was being done there.