Thursday, September 11, 2014

Heckler Gets The Royal Treatment

By James J. Hamilton
Last night I was talking about Kate Middleton's vagina onstage and referred to it as "a princess's vagina." An audience member interrupted and said I was incorrect to say that because Kate is a duchess, not a princess. I was well aware that she is a duchess but I wasn't prepared to discuss authoritatively whether she is also a princess and thus I couldn't dispute the audience member's criticism. After my performance, however, I researched the issue and have determined that my reference was in fact not incorrect. While there was controversy at the time of Kate's marriage as to whether she was a princess, spokesmen for the royal family have confirmed that Kate is entitled to use the rank of her husband and is therefore "Princess William of Wales." Though calling her "Princess Catherine" would be incorrect, referring to her generically as "the princess" is okay. In fact, her occupation was listed as "Princess of the United Kingdom" on her son's official birth certificate. With the royal family's stamp of approval, then, Kate's vagina may properly be termed "a princess's vagina." Therefore, my reference is, as Shakespeare might say, "well ratified by law and heraldry." Heckler, you've been served.