Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Jury Spends Hours Deliberating Whether To Say "Not Guilty" First As A Joke Before Pronouncing Defendant Guilty

By James J. Hamilton
PITTSBURGH—A jury of twelve citizens empaneled to decide the fate of a local man charged with murder reportedly spent several hours deliberating whether to say "Not Guilty" first as a joke before pronouncing the defendant guilty.

"Some of us thought it would be hilarious to announce the verdict as 'Not Guilty' and watch everyone freak out, then act like we just misspoke and confirm that the real verdict is 'Guilty,'" said Juror No. 2.

"We only needed about five minutes of deliberations to unanimously agree that the defendant was guilty. It was obvious," said Juror No. 11. "But right as we were about to go back into the courtroom, Juror No. 6 mentioned something about how funny it would be to see everyone's reactions if we said 'Not Guilty.' Some of us laughed. Then Juror No. 7 said we should seriously do it."

"It would've been the greatest prank ever," said Juror No. 7. "The prosecutors had a slam dunk case and did a great job presenting the evidence. How funny would it be to tell them they lost and watch them shit their pants? And the defendant—this guy killed his wife in cold blood. Letting him think he got away with it for a second before pulling the rug out from under him would've been epic. There were news cameras in the courtroom—the YouTube video would've gotten like a billion hits. I still think we should've done it."

The jury was reportedly deadlocked for over four hours before the jurors in favor of the joke finally relented. "Though many of us believed it would be funny," said Juror No. 2, "we eventually yielded to those who thought it would be mean to the victim's family."

"Buzzkills," added Juror No. 7.

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