James J. Hamilton's Second Annual Natalie Portman Hanukkah Celebration

By James J. Hamilton

Last December, I (a Gentile) celebrated the eight crazy nights of Hanukkah by posting eight pictures of my favorite Jew (the lovely Natalie Portman) with hilarious captions written by me (which can be viewed here).  A year has gone by and my hard drive has accumulated over 600 new pictures of Natalie, so here we go again:

Day 1

"Dr. Portman, Mr. Hamilton is here for another prostate exam."

Day 2

Never in my life have I wanted a hand job so badly.

Day 3

Pulp Fiction prequel idea: Natalie plays Walken's character, I play the watch.

Day 4

It's a good thing I wasn't invited to this, because I hear Holocaust boners are frowned upon.

Day 5

Anakin: "The Force tells me one of us will win an Oscar someday."
Amidala: "Yeah... it probably won't be you."

Day 6

I got 99 problems and not being able to get this close to Natalie Portman is one.

Day 7

"James J. Hamilton loves you and will let you go as soon as you say it back."

Day 8

Natalie Portman watching "Comedy Central Presents James J. Hamilton"(This should make you feel really lazy and uncreative about the things you masturbate to)

Happy Hanukkah!

James J. Hamilton Celebrates Hanukkah With Eight Days Of Natalie Portman Pictures

By James J. Hamilton

To celebrate Hanukkah this year, I (a Gentile) used my Facebook page to run an eight day series of pictures of my favorite Jew (the lovely Natalie Portman) with characteristically hilarious captions added by me.  If you don't "like" my Facebook page, what the fuck is wrong with you? here's what you missed:

Day 1:  

I am officially jealous of a chimpanzee.



Day 2:

I want a mustache ride.



Day 3:

"Seriously, I would really want to grab Scarlett's breasts. She's got beautiful ones." - Natalie Portman, with whom I wholeheartedly agree



Day 4:

"You're welcome." - Black Swan director Darren Aronofsky



 

Day 5:

Hey Obama, I can think of one thing that might convince me to vote for you...



Day 6:

Her seatbelts are fastened and I'm in the full upright position.

Day 7:

If you thought Hillary Clinton was ugly before, wait until you see her standing next to Natalie Portman (PS it must be cold in there).



Day 8:

"Dreams are basically the farts of the mind." - Natalie Portman, Harvard psychology degree-holder and the girl of my mind-farts

Now I can claim there is a semi-legitimate reason for me having at least 8 of the 564 Natalie Portman pictures that are on my computer.

Happy Hanukkah!