By James J. Hamilton
WASHINGTON—With her confirmation by the U.S. Senate, Amy Coney Barrett has become the fifth woman and first hot woman to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court. “The first four female justices had brilliant legal minds,” said a prominent legal scholar speaking on the condition of anonymity. “But let’s be honest: they left something to be desired in the looks department. Justice Barrett is the total package. Our first JILF.”
Hot justices have long been a minority on our nation’s highest tribunal. The first hot male justice was John Jay, the lone hottie on the original six-member Supreme Court appointed by George Washington. Since its beginnings, the Court has been largely dominated by unattractive justices.
|John Jay: One stud adrift in a sea of horsefaces|
Historically, most presidents have not considered hotness as a major factor when reviewing a potential nominee’s qualifications, especially in the pre-photography age. Some early presidents even picked new justices sight unseen, and court watchers would just have to put up with whatever uggo came shambling up to the bench.
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Barrett joins John Roberts and Neil Gorsuch as the only hot members of the current Supreme Court, which remains heavily slanted in favor of unattractive justices, who hold a formidable 6-3 majority. "President Trump has put a lot of hot judges on the lower courts," said our anonymous legal scholar, "so a hot majority on the Supreme Court could be in our near future. I'm getting hard just thinking about it."