By James J. Hamilton
Hey big shot Hollywood producers, here’s a bunch of great ideas for movie sequels I made up.
Taken 3
A
Mexican drug cartel takes Liam Neeson’s beloved childhood teddy bear and he goes on
a murderous rampage to get it back.
Godfather 4
Michael Corleone puts out a hit on Francis Ford Coppola for making Godfather 3.
Reservoir Dogs 2
Mr. Pink escapes with the diamonds but gets beaten to death by an
Applebee’s wait staff for not tipping.
Black Swan 2
Two hours of Natalie Portman-Mila Kunis girl-on-girl action.
 |
| I'm just looking for any excuse to post this picture again. |
Dark Knight 4
Four hours long and Batman is only in it for twelve minutes.
Big Lebowski 2
Because Tara Reid’s house is probably in foreclosure.
Gone With The
Wind 2: I Still Don’t Give A Damn
Not giving a damn about Reconstruction.
Lost In
Translation 2: Surf’s Up!
About the Japanese tsunami, but with Scarlett
Johansson full frontal nudity.
Three Old
Guys And A Twentysomething
The hilarious sequel to 1987’s Three Men And A
Baby.
 |
| Where are they now? |
Rocky 7: The
Rambo 5 Chronicles
Stallone versus Stallone, where Stallone’s wallet wins but
his dignity loses.
Fast And
Furious 6
Because every couple of years there’s a new batch of 17 year olds
who don’t realize how stupid these are.
The Graduate 2
“Coach Sandusky, you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you.”
Jurassic Park 4
Buddy comedy prequel starring Samuel L. Jackson and Newman in their computer
programmer roles (no dinosaurs).
The homoerotic tale of two former prisoners refurbishing an old boat on a Mexican beach.
 |
| This time, the buttsex is consensual. |
Moneyball 2:
The Oakland A’s Still Haven’t Won Shit
Because Brad Pitt’s good looks do not a champion make.
Snakes On A
Plane 2
Animated children’s comedy about heroic snakes who foil a
terrorist hijacking plot.
Austin Powers 4
Because the Obama administration has made “100 billion dollars” sound like a
laughably small amount of money.
Nutty Professor
3
Put Kevin Sorbo in it and milk that “Hercules! Hercules!” thing for all
it’s worth.
Shrek 5
If
nothing else, it will delay Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy from making Austin
Powers 4 and Nutty Professor 3.
Indiana Jones 5
Indy retires from adventuring and becomes an expert on Pawn Stars who tells
people their artifacts are fake.
 |
| The Holy Grail? I could maybe give you $20 for it. |
