By James J. Hamilton
TMZ has reported that Kim Kardashian and her fiancé are looking for Bible passages to have engraved on their wedding bands. I've decided to help them out. After careful study, I have found the perfect Bible passage for Kim Kardashian’s wedding band:
Come hither; I will show unto thee the judgment of the great whore that sitteth upon many waters,
With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication.
How appropriate. I think the priest should also read that during the ceremony.
But enough fun and games. I originally considered this a joke, but after further analyzing the Bible passage in question, I have come to the frightening conclusion that Kim Kardashian is actually the Whore of Babylon foretold in the Book of Revelation.
Let me show you how I got there:
- “I will show unto thee…” We are constantly shown her whoredom because everything she does is on TV.
- “…that sitteth upon many waters.” Clearly a big ass reference.
- “With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication…” A bunch of famous people have fucked her.
- “…and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication.” The public at large has become intoxicated and obsessed by her and her whoredom.
Wow. That fits together a little too perfectly. This is scary.
Still not convinced? Check this shit out:
“And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour,
and decked with gold and precious stones...”
|“And I saw the woman drunken with the blood of the saints...” |
“And she shall be utterly burned with fire:
for strong is the Lord God who judgeth her.”
Somebody call Jack Van Impe.