Wednesday, November 26, 2014

A One-Act Erotic Play Adapted from Zooey Deschanel's iPhone Commercial

By James J. Hamilton

This will make more sense if you watch the original 30 second commercial first

DRAMATIS PERSONAE
ZOOEY, a famous actress
SIRI, a robot that lives in Zooey's phone
JAMES, a tomato soup delivery boy

Setting: Zooey's House

SCENE ONE

ZOOEY
Is that rain?

SIRI
Yes, it appears to be raining.

ZOOEY
Oh.

Zooey looks out the window, contemplating the unfathomable loneliness of her existence.

ZOOEY
Let's get tomato soup delivered.

SIRI
I found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver.

ZOOEY
Good, 'cause I don't want to put on real shoes.

Zooey notices that her house, like her life, is a total mess.

ZOOEY
Remind me to clean up... tomorrow.

SIRI
Okay, I'll remind you.

ZOOEY
Excellent. Today, we're dancing. Play "Shake, Rattle & Roll."

Siri plays "Shake, Rattle & Roll."  Zooey dances.


SCENE TWO

The doorbell rings.  Zooey answers it.  James is standing in the rain with tomato soup.

JAMES
Tomato soup delivery.

ZOOEY
Come inside, it's pouring out there.

JAMES
Okay.

James steps inside the door and hands Zooey the tomato soup.

ZOOEY
Oh my, you're soaking wet! You should probably take off those clothes.

JAMES
What?

An awkward silence.

ZOOEY
Wanna bang?

JAMES
Okay.

They bang.  He finishes on her back.

ZOOEY
(to Siri) Is that rain?

SIRI
No, it appears to be semen.

ZOOEY  
Oh. Remind me to order tomato soup again tomorrow.

SIRI
Okay, I'll remind you.

FINIS




BONUS CONTENT

Two pieces of unrelated, non-sexual humor I made from the same commercial (obviously I was very taken with this commercial):

Siri is not as good as advertised.
"Make your own goddamn tomato soup." - Old timey phone

Monday, November 24, 2014

Super Fool IV Recap

By James J. Hamilton (Pittsburgh Comedy Intramural Sports Beat Writer)

My recap of the fourth annual Pittsburgh comedians' flag football game is featured HERE on PGHcomedy.com

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Super Fool IV Preview

By James J. Hamilton (Pittsburgh Comedy Intramural Sports Beat Writer)

My preview of the fourth annual Pittsburgh comedians' flag football game is featured HERE on PGHcomedy.com