The Star Wars Saga Told Via Twitter Updates

By James J. Hamilton

@luke:  toshi station raising prices on power converters = bullshit

@princessleia:  Help me, @obiwankenobi.  You’re my only hope.

@luke:  new artoo unit giving me trouble… these things have more bugs than windows vista

@r2d2:  RT @princessleia:  Help me, @obiwankenobi.  You're my only hope.

@luke:  new artoo unit playing a message from a hot chick... i wonder if he has any interracial porn?

@r2d2:  www.r2d2.whitechicksblackdicks.com $19.95 per month JOIN NOW

@berulars:  My husband beats me

@owenlars:  That's because I get no respect around here #bitch #ungratefulbastardnephew

@obiwankenobi:  Hey stormtroopers guess what... Those WERE the droids you were looking for!  You got pwned lmfao!!!

@moseisleycantina:  Happy Hour 5-7.  Juri Juice 2 credits.  Live entertainment:  Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes!  NO DROIDS  #wedontservetheirkind

@greedo:  shoot first & ask questions later #wordstoliveby

@darthvader:  I find your lack of tweets disturbing.

@alderaancitizen77:  Looking forward to tomorrow!  #jetskiing

@tk421:  Bad day at work... Some d-bag stole my uniform & I got yelled at for not being at my post

@luke:  just saved a princess from execution… i am so gonna hit that

@hansolo:  in it 4 da money #cashcashmoney

@jekporkins:  taco bell is the shiznit!

@luke:  lol han said “let’s blow this thing”

@luke:  got a good look a leia’s cleavage when she leaned over to put that medal around my neck… i am so gonna hit that

@c3p0:  Is there NO planet in this galaxy that will legalize gay droid marriage?

@r2d2:  for the record c3p0 is the bottom

@luke:  hoth’s low temps = leia’s hard nips… i am so gonna hit that

@hansolo:  the only thing scruffy-looking around here is that bitch’s bush

@admiralozzel:  Gonna fuck up some rebs on Hoth today.  Surprise is wise!  Hey that rhymed!

@captainpiett:  Just got promoted!

@hansolo:  yes i am actually going into an asteroid field so everybody stfu

@yoda:  a whiny bitch my pupil is #kidsthesedays

@lando:  Colt 45… It works every time!

@princessleia:  What kind of a bullshit response is “I know”?

@darthvader:  Don’t believe me?  Check this shit out.  RT @maury:  Darth Vader, you ARE the father!

@luke:  new robotic hand MUCH better for jacking off than old one #donotdisturb

@jabbathehutt:  in 6 boob heaven right now #alienstrippers

@bobafett:  I am such a badass.

@luke:  leia in a gold bikini… i am so gonna hit that

@jabbathehutt:  i think that rancor salesman ripped me off

@hansolo:  sorry no updates recently, was frozen in carbonite... no wi-fi in there

@bobafett:  Jet pack malfunction.  Stuck in Sarlacc pit.  Send help.

@luke:  just found out leia is my sister… i am still gonna hit that

@luke:  just found out leia follows me on twitter now… shit

@emperorpalpatine:  it’s gonna be epic when they realize this is a trap

@admiralackbar:  IT’S A TRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@emperorpalpatine:  lmfao told you #overconfidence

@hansolo:  the ewoks helped us win, but could there be anything more annoying?

@jarjarbinks:  Meesa Jar Jar Binks!  Meesa be usin da computa!  #whatwaslucasthinking #hewasnt

@quigon:  I try to help people, but a society that elects teenage girls as rulers is just asking for it.

@watto:  I heart gambling & slavery

@anakin:  that padme chick is hot… i am so gonna hit that

@chancellorpalpatine:  I can’t believe they are falling for this shit #evilmasterplan

@countdooku:  The world we once knew has changed.  You must join me Gandalf Obi-Wan.

@anakin:  i totally hit that :)

@padmeamidala:  Big news… I’m pregnant!

@anakin:  shit!

@natalieportman:  wtf i didn’t realize lucas was gonna have 8 yr olds writing the dialogue

@macewindu:  I have had it with these motherfucking Sith in this motherfucking galaxy!

@anakin:  who knew turning to the dark side could be so undramatic? 

@georgelucas:  I am such a badass.  Next up:  3D Special Edition of American Graffiti.

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